The Importance of REAL Friendship

Grace and I went for a playdate after her schooling to a friends house. He is a boy of 11 who shares Grace's interests, but generally looks upon her as his "little sister" who is also "cool" because she can read and play WOW with him. They shared lunch with his mom and I and then headed back to their trampoline, where they proceeded to jump to their hearts' content. Grace feels secure with her homeschooled friends, and *I* do too, for the most part. They generally feel secure in themselves and see no need to bully each other.
That said, Grace's neighborhood friend has begun engaging in some very typical 7 1/2 y/o bullying of her. I stood and listened as she attempted to bully Grace into going down a large hill on her scooter. Grace did not stand for that and told her that she is "not my boss" and that she's only do what she was comfortable with. The girl began to say "Grace. You HAVE to do what I say!!!" Then, I walked out from my concealed spot and down the road and asked if everything was ok? I saw, before my very eyes, this little girl's ugly menacing expression turn to "all sweetness and cherry pie". It was disconcerting to say the least. I told the girls that I would be at the garden watering, and that Grace should only really do what she was comfortable with and bye. (Grace was fine at this point) The girl said "Ok" and I left it at that. When I walked away again, I could hear them going at it again. The girl got mad at Grace for not "doing what I said" and went inside and slammed the door. Grace just stood there, confused. She doesn't deal with her problems that way and couldn't understand typical grade school behavior. DH and I called from the road that we were going to the garden, and would she like to come along? She began to walk toward us to go with, and this child pops out of her house and says" Where are you going? I just went inside to get us some GUM!" (yeah...right)
This kind of thing has happened on several play dates now, with various "tests" for Grace to complete and Grace is upset by it. She had another one of her long "discussions" with me last night at bedtime ( a la the Six Step Plan for her bully in preschool, if any of you remember...). It was amazing. She was *SO* mature about it all. She told me that her friend was not behaving as a "real" friend does like Ami. She just wanted her friend to be happy, but wanted to keep her own dignity at the same time. I told her that sometimes you have to choose, and the decision on how much she can stand is up to her.
Her discussion included phrases like "Mom. I think we're on to something here..." and " How about we approach this from a different viewpoint". It was uncanny how much she sounded like a little psychologist. Perhaps that's her destiny?;)
Grace sends BIG hugs out to her "REAL" friend Ami this morning!
Forte